forum Love, Sex, and Romance ›› My ex just told me she was raped ›› new reply Post Reply
Didymos

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August 9 2005 9:33 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Ok, this is a really fucked up situation.

My ex-gf, who I dated a couple years back for about 10 months, and who I just started talking to again recently, just told me the other night that she was drugged and raped while we were going out. She spent spring break a few years ago in Europe, and the guy who ran the youth hostel where she was staying put something in her wine one night when they were having dinner. She actually saw this happen. Her "friend" asked the youth hostel guy what it was, he said something incoherent in a foreign language along the lines of it being something that his sister made, and the two of them were apparently put at ease by this bullshit half-assed explanation. She blacked out, he took her upstairs to put her to bed, and then she wakes up the next day and the sheets are soaking wet. Meanwhile, her "friend" saw this guy take her upstairs, and my ex's rationale for her friend's not doing anything to stop this from happening or to make sure she was ok is that the friend was "fucked up on drugs" at the time. As though that's a good excuse for her friend's fucked up, irresponsible behavior.

This pisses me off on so many levels. I suppose I should be really pissed off and upset that she was raped, and I am, but what pisses me off even more than that is how negligent and irresponsible she is.

When she came back, she gave me crabs. We had been dating for several months, and so we weren't using condoms anymore since she was using a diaphragm (or however that's spelled). I found out I had crabs before her. When I told her, she had the fucking nerve to blame me! When I came to my senses and realized there was no way I could have gotten crabs unless she gave them to me, she admitted that she was at fault. She then lied to me and said she got them from sleeping naked in her bed when she was staying at the youth hostel. I trusted her, and she betrayed that trust.

Her excuse for all of this is that she couldn't admit to herself at the time that she had been raped. She was in denial and didn't want to deal with it. She even stayed another night at the youth hostel after she was raped, which is completely fucking stupid because the asshole guy could have drugged and raped her again.

It upsets me that she was raped, obviously. But honestly, I don't care how traumatizing this was for her. When you put both yourself and someone who trusts you at risk, you fucking deal with the situation. She should've reported this guy to the police and gotten the fuck out of that hostel, not stuck around another night. And then she should have come home and let me know about this before having unprotected sex with me again. We dated for five or six months after this, and I didn't hear a word of it until just the other night.

After we broke up, I got tested for any VD's and all the tests came out negative, but I could have been really fucking screwed here. Not to mention that the youth hostel guy is probably raping other girls because my ex failed to report him to the police when this happened.

I honestly can't believe that someone could be so stupid and self-centered. When something like this happens, you don't just file it away in the back of your mind to deal with months or years in the future. Not when other people are affected by the consequences.

Any thoughts?
MatchInTheGasTank
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August 9 2005 9:49 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
haha
Didymos
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August 9 2005 10:09 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Originally posted by:LookAlive

Well, actually...Yes, that's what humans do quite a lot. You're right on pretty much everything you say, she should have called the police, but I don't fault her for not as such, she'd been raped...Pretty darn common for victims not to tell anyone.



Yeah, it is common, but that is no excuse. Like I said, I don't care how much you are traumatized, when your failure to tell anyone affects other people, you are nothing but a shameful coward. Because of her silence, who knows how many other girls have been raped at that hostel? Who knows what disease she could have contracted and passed along? I sympathize with anyone who has been raped, but that sympathy does not extend to excusing someone's weakness in failing to do the right thing to protect others.
MatchInTheGasTank
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August 9 2005 10:10 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
i hope you get ass raped, see how many people you tell.
Didymos
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August 9 2005 10:11 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Originally posted by:Dude Brah Dan

and you wonder why condoms are a must.



If you are in a relationship with someone who has earned your trust and you are using another form of contraception, and if you know that person has been tested and everything came up negative, then no, condoms aren't a must. My only failure was trusting someone I had only been with a few months. I probably should've waited a lot longer before phasing out the condoms.
Didymos
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August 9 2005 10:12 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Originally posted by:ItsJustAPlant

i hope you get ass raped, see how many people you tell.



What a ridiculous thing to say. If I ever were raped, and if I were going to keep quiet about it out of fear/embarassment/denial/whatever, I wouldn't have unprotected sex. So fuck you.
MatchInTheGasTank
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August 9 2005 10:30 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
i dont know first hand, rape seems to fuck some people up pretty damn badly. so until you know the phsycological damage it causes maybe you should run to a message board raving like some moron.
Didymos
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August 9 2005 10:37 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Originally posted by:ItsJustAPlant

i dont know first hand, rape seems to fuck some people up pretty damn badly.



No shit? Thanks for that wonderful insight.

Originally posted by:ItsJustAPlant
so until you know the phsycological damage it causes maybe you should run to a message board raving like some moron.



Well, your typo fucked up your whole point, but anyway, I understand the psychological damage it causes. But I'm still pissed off that someone would deal with that damage in a way that fucks over everyone else.

How would you feel if your girlfriend found out she had AIDS, and because she was so traumatized by this revelation, she kept this information from all of her friends and from you, but kept having unprotected sex with you? Would you just shrug it off and say, "Oh, finding out she had AIDS must have devastated her. So it's ok so she gave me AIDS. I understand." If you were a decent person, you'd still sympathize with her, but at the same time, you'd be pissed as all hell.
MatchInTheGasTank
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August 9 2005 10:50 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
a typo fucked up my point . if you cant understand it than you deserve AIDS.
MatchInTheGasTank
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August 9 2005 10:51 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
she probably just cheated on you and made up this story.
Didymos
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August 9 2005 10:55 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
I understood your point. I was just pointing out how much of a fucking idiot you are.

Go choke on a dick and die.
emofacial
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August 9 2005 10:55 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Originally posted by:ItsJustAPlant

haha

MatchInTheGasTank
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August 9 2005 11:00 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
im the idiot but i've never had crabs
nicole
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August 9 2005 11:01 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Hello, VICTIM BLAMING MUCH??? You have no idea what it's like to be raped, and even if you did, every person deals with rape differently. She was attacked. Do you even realize that, or are you so caught up in your own "woe as me" bullshit that you've lost all compassion and perspective? IT WAS NOT HER FAULT. She probably didn't tell you because she was terrified. You have no right to judge her or her reactions. She was traumatized. She might not even think she reacted correctly, but few people do well in times of such great stress. I hope she never talks to you again for her own sake.
Didymos
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August 9 2005 11:01 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Originally posted by:ItsJustAPlant

im the idiot but i've never had crabs



Touche.

I wish something much worse on you than crabs. Like maybe your genitals getting caught in a lawnmower.
MatchInTheGasTank
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August 9 2005 11:02 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
oh damn nigga
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