September 30 2009 12:49 PM
Here are some doosies I learned from an ex-cop I used to work with. His name was Ernest, but we eventually got around to calling him Old Man Blue, cause he would party with us like that old bastard from Old School. He was about 90 years old and used some of the strangest (at times downright racist) sayings I ever heard. Here's a few I like to recall every once in a while:
"Why don't you call the old scrubbin' bitch (referring to a cleaning woman) to help you? I'm already up to my ass in alligators (referring to an overwhelming workload) over here." (He would then typically proceed to mutter racial slurs and creative combinations of the words mother and fucker until he was satisfied or presumably stroked out.
If someone tried to criticize his power equipment driving techniques he would respond with the following:
"Blow it out your big ass you no-driving bitch." (This might not sound all that funny but you have to picture an old man screaming it at the project manager from his speeding, load-bearing forktruck.)
"I'd watch where you put your wallet around those goddamn Mexican chicken thieves (referring to anyone with skin darker than a sheet of paper).
"We already been fucking (working) on this cat (project). Go find your own cat (project) to fuck (work) on." (During a steel set, we would often be forced to work along side union guys. If they felt threatened by our presence or assumed we were working on something they were contracted for, this is what Old Man Blue would respond with.)