forum General Crabbery ›› My aunt's miraculous story of beating cancer ›› new reply Post Reply
FlyingSaucer00

Pet Detective
290 Posts
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August 26 2018 5:57 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
My aunt was dying of cancer but she has been 100% cure by a miracle healer she heard about from a pool cleaner she knows from shopping at the dollar tree. She had to travel to a small isolated farm near the town of Clymer. There she met the miracle healer Dr. Cornilius Dori Bressani. He was a 4 ft tall 78 year old man with a long white beard like a guru. So my aunt had to lay on a alter surrounded by orange penis shaped candles. He got naked and danced around her while sprinkling her with salt while slowly chanting the words "baa yaa moo moo". Then he took out a huge jar full of his own jizz, blessed it, then covered her whole body in it. Then for the next 40 minutes he chanted the lyics of Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" in Latin over and over again. Then he closed his eyes, started twisting his own nipples and started softly saying "Ollllmmmmmmmmm" and between each 'olllmm', my aunt had to repeat the words "da mihi ani figuratur". Then skipped around her 3 times, took a shit on the floor, put his middle and index finger in it, then drew an upside down cross on her forehead. Then he danced around her banging a drum for 5 minutes, then the ritual was over. He gave her a jar containing ginger ale with shavings of the hairs from his asscrack and told her to gargle it every morning for the next 7 days. Afterwards, she went to the hospital and they couldn't believe that all signs of cancer were gone from her body. The doctors never seen anything like that before. I am ever greatful that my aunt has many more years to live
fuzzy navel princess
126 ballaette
3,524 Posts
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August 26 2018 10:39 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
A happy ending! And Paula Abdul :) win/win
penisbong
Time Husk
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August 26 2018 2:02 PM   QuickQuote Quote  
Didn’t read. But that’s good news.
fuzzy navel princess
126 ballaette
3,524 Posts
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August 26 2018 6:39 PM   QuickQuote Quote  
Thank God and jiz
fuzzy navel princess
126 ballaette
3,524 Posts
34/F/NA


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August 26 2018 7:00 PM   QuickQuote Quote  


FlyingSaucer00
Pet Detective
290 Posts
20/M/NA


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August 27 2018 8:05 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
Allah works in mysterious ways
fuzzy navel princess
126 ballaette
3,524 Posts
34/F/NA


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August 27 2018 9:31 AM   QuickQuote Quote  
God is a woman
forum General Crabbery ›› My aunt's miraculous story of beating cancer ›› new reply Post Reply

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