Staff Rating

4.80/5

User Rating

0/5

Collision - Satanic Surgery

Copstabber Dave   (15 reviews)

Posted: 03/10/2016 | Comments: 16 | Rate:

These fucking guys....these motherfuckers right here, yo....this is a fucking monster of a record. It's funny and hard and fast as fuck and loud. The louder I turn it, the better it sounds. The more I listen to what they are saying, the more I laugh. The longer I listen to it, the faster I drive. I am so glad I took a chance on this one. I been looking at the motherfucker on the list of albums available to review and I would basically chuckle to myself when I would see the album title "Satanic Surgery"...that shit sounded like I was either going to get a piece of thrash magic or I was in for some maximum level doo-doo. After a while, I realized that meant that I had no way to lose...I would either get to hear an album I would really fuckin like or I would get to make fun of a motherfuckin piece of shit record. As a reviewer I live for these choices so I finally selected the album...and I have been car moshing and jumping off of furniture for a couple hours ever since.

Tracks like "Touch me Jesus", Satanic Surgery" and "AntiChrist Gulag" are some of my favorites so far but I like every song on the damn thing. They are well written jams. The guitars just punish you with speed and tough riffs...I would have liked them to find more times for them to fucking shred out on some gnarly fucking solos but I guess finding 7 or 8 seconds to let your lead guitarist jerk off on a few songs is too much to ask. We just have to deal with the machine gun guitar assault they gave us (boo fucking hoo). The drummer is really fast and suits the music perfectly. Some times with thrash drummers I find that they seem to play to sparely or they just blast full speed the whole time with no attention to whether there are changes or different "parts" of the songs...but not here...this guy has a whole bag of tricks that he opens up on this album. I am a sucker for drums and these sound awesome and really compliment the individual songs. Yes it is all about speed but it is also not all about speed....sometimes you have to have motherfucking chops too. But these wild Dutchmen know all about that shit, and they laid it all out on the line for this album. "Dutchmen",,,,that's what you call motherfuckers from the Netherlands, right? That shit sounds right to me but fuck it, if I am wrong fuck off because who even cares.

At the end of the day, if you are looking for an album that clearly features musician and lyricists who care very much about style and history. If you are looking for an album to fucking ride a skateboard off a jump and fucking nose grind the sun. If you are looking for an album that is silly and threatening and evil and focused and tough all at once then you have come to the right motherfucker. If you have never been much of a thrasher or if you have always thought of yourself as a fucking bitchmade loser herb with no sense of humor...well you boring losers can just go ahead and listen to whatever people like you listen to...I dunno...go listen to fucking Tori Amos or something like a bitch. I'ma be over here kicking things and injuring myself doing retarded shit to Collision.

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Comments
Cannonball
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