awkward sex 155 replies, 68853 views

Gatsby
2/26/2011 9:36:00 AM
this kinda goes hand in hand with the dirty talk thread. Have you ever banged someone who made no noise at all? Or cried afterward?

When I was younger I had slept with two guys who made absolutely no noise what so ever. It was very cut and dry and probably some of the most boring sex ever. I almost felt like it was a business transaction.
k-diddy
2/26/2011 9:38:00 AM
Originally posted by: Gatsby

this kinda goes hand in hand with the dirty talk thread. Have you ever banged someone who made no noise at all? Or cried afterward?

When I was younger I had slept with two guys who made absolutely no noise what so ever. It was very cut and dry and probably some of the most boring sex ever. I almost felt like it was a business transaction.


LOL debit or credit pleeeease
WREN
2/26/2011 9:40:00 AM
I actually had a girl cry with my dick in her mouth. True story.

She was basically the Virgin Mary and the few times we did do anything it almost always was made into a bigger production than need be. One time she was going down on me, just as I was getting into it, the performance took a nose dive. Then I started to hear a funny noise. I looked down and she was tearing up (not because my hog was so big it was gagging her) but because she felt shame or something. I guess God was watching and she knew it. Fucking pervert.

I had to make her stop. After I consoled her and told her that I didn't hate her, she asked to be alone. I drove home in silence.
Gatsby
2/26/2011 9:50:00 AM
Originally posted by: WREN

I actually had a girl cry with my dick in her mouth. True story.

She was basically the Virgin Mary and the few times we did do anything it almost always was made into a bigger production than need be. One time she was going down on me, just as I was getting into it, the performance took a nose dive. Then I started to hear a funny noise. I looked down and she was tearing up (not because my hog was so big it was gagging her) but because she felt shame or something. I guess God was watching and she knew it. Fucking pervert.

I had to make her stop. After I consoled her and told her that I didn't hate her, she asked to be alone. I drove home in silence.

hahahahaha this is terrible. Was that the end of that from then on out?
WREN
2/26/2011 9:53:00 AM
She blew me one more time after that and I think that was out of fear that I was going to leave her. We were on a "break" and I started talking to this girl. She caught wind of it, invited me over, next thing I know.......

She wasn't really good at it and we never had sex. I put up with that terribleness for almost 2 years. Shortly after we broke up she started having sex with dudes that cheated on her. Heard she even loved to toss salad too. I just missed the kinky years. Oh well.
John Barlow
2/26/2011 9:58:00 AM
I banged a girl that used to talk in a sort of monotone, matter-of-fact way during sex. It was so bizarre, cause it felt like we were executing a site inspection for OSHA.

"Yes."
"Faster."
"That is good."

Fucking white people.
Gatsby
2/26/2011 10:15:00 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Davey.
2/26/2011 10:37:00 AM
i had a girl scrape her teeth on my penis until i actually had to say 'you are seriously hurting my penis. stop using your teeth.' ten seconds later i said 'ok, you'll have to stop. you are awful at that.'
she was a disgusting slob anyway. i dont know what i was thinking.

the time i had sex with a girl who was 6'2" was pretty bad too. she wasnt awkward at talking, but physically she was an oaf. and she was so big that my dong kept going floppy. i think it was because my penis and i were intimidated. her hands were bigger than mine and it made me look even smaller than usual. then when i had given up and knew i wouldnt be able to cum, her housemates all came home. she got all scared because apparently she had a boyfriend and didnt want her friends to know i was there. i climbed out of the window and laughed all the way home.
Gatsby
2/26/2011 10:40:00 AM
oh my lord. LOL
WREN
2/26/2011 10:44:00 AM
Catching people in the act is great. I watched two friends (guy and girl mind you) having some fun on the beach one night. You could see the silhouette of her sucking his dong due to the moonlight. And because of the lighting, I was completely hidden in the dark. I tried my best sneaking up on them to ultimately stage dive into the action. But some dude and his fucking dog ruined everything. They discreetly just tried to lay there. I still jumped on them.

In retrospect, if i had jumped on them mid knowledge session, I would have probably killed one or the both of them.
Crack Pie
2/26/2011 11:09:00 AM
i am very familiar with awkward sex
John Barlow
2/26/2011 11:14:00 AM
Back in the all or nothing days (2004-2006), it wasn't uncommon to walk past someone getting brain or straight up fucking and just cordially say hello. What an awkward era.
Nnn
2/26/2011 11:21:00 AM
My first and last stop in cougarville ended up a total wash. She was pretty together for forty six year old. Started making out, and that was fine. But when it came to sex it was like trying to penetrate a closed fist. I couldn't get it in. I could barely get my finger in there. Tried multiple times to no avail. She kept asking me if there was something wrong with me as if her vagina was normal. And, I had to put up with her trying to entice me with taylor swift songs. Once she started talking about her children who were my age I just got the fuck out. I felt badly.
Dan.
2/26/2011 11:28:00 AM
Originally posted by: John Barlow

Back in the all or nothing days (2004-2006), it wasn't uncommon to walk past someone getting brain or straight up fucking and just cordially say hello. What an awkward era.

Your brother walked in on us and tried to take a piss in steph's room. You pulled him out, I cherish this memory.
Sandy Dickhands
2/26/2011 11:33:00 AM
i banged a girl like this in college. it was terrible. total boner killer. i wanted to just pull out and say "you suck. finish yourself, i'm leaving"
WREN
2/26/2011 11:33:00 AM
Originally posted by: michaelj

My first and last stop in cougarville ended up a total wash. She was pretty together for forty six year old. Started making out, and that was fine. But when it came to sex it was like trying to penetrate a closed fist. I couldn't get it in. I could barely get my finger in there. Tried multiple times to no avail. She kept asking me if there was something wrong with me as if her vagina was normal. And, I had to put up with her trying to entice me with taylor swift songs. Once she started talking about her children who were my age I just got the fuck out. I felt badly.


The one and only time I had sex with a girl that was currently in a relationship, I had a similar problem. I eventually got it in but the trouble should have been a sign to stop while I was ahead. I really shouldn't have had sex with her for multiple reasons.
.joe
2/26/2011 11:52:00 AM
i feel really awkward when im doing a broad from behind and i need to correct her on how to position herself. it should be ass up face down not middle back up face and ass down.
Dan.
2/26/2011 11:54:00 AM
That isn't hard, just push the middle of her back down until she gets the message.
Bashar al-Acab
2/26/2011 11:56:00 AM
at a party i got wasted and banged this girl. i jammed it in and pumped no less than four times and came all over her shirt and said sorry about that while we were putting our pants back on. true story
.joe
2/26/2011 11:56:00 AM
oh i know its an easy fix, i guess it just makes me feel like im with someone unexperienced, and for some reason that makes me feel weird.
kingshit
2/26/2011 12:36:00 PM
Originally posted by: Gatsby

When I was younger I had slept with two guys who made absolutely no noise what so ever. It was very cut and dry and probably some of the most boring sex ever. I almost felt like it was a business transaction.


That's what you get for having a three way with Jehova's Witnesses.
John Barlow
2/26/2011 12:58:00 PM
I also had a girl tell me I was sexually intimidating in bed. I imagine it was awkward for her when I immediately pulled her arms arms out from under her and pushed her head deeper into the pillow.
Gatsby
2/26/2011 4:11:00 PM
Originally posted by: kingshit

Originally posted by: Gatsby

When I was younger I had slept with two guys who made absolutely no noise what so ever. It was very cut and dry and probably some of the most boring sex ever. I almost felt like it was a business transaction.


That's what you get for having a three way with Jehova's Witnesses.

omg if it was two dudes at the same time that didn't make noise I probably would have left in the middle.
amandaaa
2/26/2011 4:58:00 PM
Originally posted by: Gatsby

Originally posted by: kingshit

Originally posted by: Gatsby

When I was younger I had slept with two guys who made absolutely no noise what so ever. It was very cut and dry and probably some of the most boring sex ever. I almost felt like it was a business transaction.


That's what you get for having a three way with Jehova's Witnesses.

omg if it was two dudes at the same time that didn't make noise I probably would have left in the middle.

I agree with that 100%
Sandy Dickhands
2/26/2011 5:47:00 PM
rofl
viva hate
2/26/2011 6:07:00 PM
Wheelchair sex peanut