funny shit your parents do 51 replies, 17169 views

Venicebeachxc
8/17/2011 8:26:00 PM
Past, present, or current.

I'll lead off with my experience last night. I started a new job today, and had to be there at 8 am. My father just got a FAT check from BP because he 'lost wages' (read: scammed) during the oil spill. So first off, he comes home in a new BMW 330 CI and acts like it's nothing new. He then proceeds to go out, act like a millionaire in the club, buy everybody shots x100, get 4 girls to agree to come home with him and my uncle, pisses them all off by being such a drunk asshole in the car on the way home, gets kicked out by my uncle who now has to drive them all back to the bar instead of fucking them, comes into the house, trips over a powered monitor I have in the living room, faceplants into a box, pisses his pants, and wakes me up yelling that he can't get up. So I get up, help him up while he shittalks me, and point him to bed. I fell back asleep at 6 am only to be awakened by him AGAIN 15 min later, FULLY NUDE screaming for me to 'get out of his bed or move over'. I was on the outside porch couch, in full view of all the neighbors, as was he during this little adventure. Today I get home from work and he accuses me of being drunk and making a mess of the living room while he was asleep last night. Gotta love pops.
smorgasgeorge
8/17/2011 8:43:00 PM
The 330ci is an E46 and not new, so that may explain why he acted like it was nothing new.
Gatsby
8/17/2011 8:46:00 PM
Cool story bro.
joe vena
8/17/2011 8:49:00 PM
...
A Message to you
8/17/2011 8:49:00 PM
Wut?
Higgs boson
8/17/2011 8:50:00 PM
That sounds horrible. I would sit your dad down and ask if hes going through a mid life crisis.

My mom thinks bloody marys are a "breakfast drink", therefor making it ok to drink at 8 am.
My dad dresses up in civil war era clothing and pays war with thousands of men at a time.
I think both of those things are hilarious and sad.
Gatsby
8/17/2011 9:00:00 PM
Wait....bloody marys aren't a breakfast drink?
JCVD
8/17/2011 9:09:00 PM
So your dad wanted to play "mafia boss", or "rap star" for the night after a big score. I'm on Pops' side! That sounds like something I'd do. Had a fun night... no harm no foul.
A Message to you
8/17/2011 9:39:00 PM
Originally posted by: Higgs boson

My mom thinks bloody marys are a "breakfast drink", therefor making it ok to drink at 8 am.
My dad dresses up in civil war era clothing and pays war with thousands of men at a time.
I think both of those things are hilarious and sad.

Your mom is 100% correct. I think it's pretty cool that your dad does that.
Tim E. Husk
8/17/2011 9:57:00 PM
Originally posted by: Venicebeachxc

Past, present, or current.

I'll lead off with my experience last night. I started a new job today, and had to be there at 8 am. My father just got a FAT check from BP because he 'lost wages' (read: scammed) during the oil spill. So first off, he comes home in a new BMW 330 CI and acts like it's nothing new. He then proceeds to go out, act like a millionaire in the club, buy everybody shots x100, get 4 girls to agree to come home with him and my uncle, pisses them all off by being such a drunk asshole in the car on the way home, gets kicked out by my uncle who now has to drive them all back to the bar instead of fucking them, comes into the house, trips over a powered monitor I have in the living room, faceplants into a box, pisses his pants, and wakes me up yelling that he can't get up. So I get up, help him up while he shittalks me, and point him to bed. I fell back asleep at 6 am only to be awakened by him AGAIN 15 min later, FULLY NUDE screaming for me to 'get out of his bed or move over'. I was on the outside porch couch, in full view of all the neighbors, as was he during this little adventure. Today I get home from work and he accuses me of being drunk and making a mess of the living room while he was asleep last night. Gotta love pops.

What was his claim? My folks legitimately lost a bunch of money, and their payout was adequate at best.
mandakatzz
8/17/2011 10:17:00 PM
My mom called me when I was living in nyc in 2003, to tell me she thought she was at a rave in the woods, but got lost and the tree men were telling her to climb the trees. I kept asking who she was with and she kept sayin the DJ. I was legit worried. Turns out she went with my stepdad and his cousin who was DJ'ing a rave out in the woods of WV. Ecstasy and 38yr olds in the woods don't mix.

My mom smoked chronic once, she thought chronic was just really good weed. She was telling me she started feeling paranoid at this party after smoking chronic and she didn't know why weed would make her feel like that. I had to explain to her what chronic was. Embarrassing.

My moms parenting wasn't always the best. She would ground me for smoking ciggs but would find weed in my room and not punish me. Weed doesn't kill she would say. Also the first time I did acid fubu gave it to me I think we were 16. He was my babysitter. After returning home the next day she looked at me and my pupils were huge. She asked me what I was on I told her I did 4 hits if acid. All I wanted to do was sleep, but she made me clean for 8 hours as a punishment. No don't do acid its bad for you talk, just shrugged shoulders and punishment.

Love my mom to death. But she was a shitty ass parent.
Higgs boson
8/17/2011 10:20:00 PM
What is chronic other then really good weed? As far as I know its just another slang word for medicinal grade.
mandakatzz
8/17/2011 10:25:00 PM
Originally posted by: Higgs boson

What is chronic other then really good weed? As far as I know its just another slang word for medicinal grade.

Chronic to me is weed laced with coke. But friends on the west coast say high quality weed. It's one of those different definitions for slang.
Mechanical Birds
8/17/2011 10:27:00 PM
Originally posted by: Higgs boson

What is chronic other then really good weed? As far as I know its just another slang word for medicinal grade.

seriously wtf is she talking about
AtWarWithAmeliaLOL
8/17/2011 10:29:00 PM
The legal substitute for weed that was banned over here recently was called "Kronic"
Maybe she means that, the symptoms sound similar.
mandakatzz
8/17/2011 10:32:00 PM
Weed laced with coke is chronic. It's on urban dictionary I'm not the only one who calls it that.
InTheButtLikeWhat
8/17/2011 10:38:00 PM
the jizzler
8/17/2011 10:39:00 PM
smoke krokodil.
Higgs boson
8/17/2011 10:42:00 PM
KROKODRIL.

It'll get you high as fuck.

then it will eat away at your arm until it is gone.
Gatsby
8/17/2011 10:42:00 PM
not everyone calls snowcapped buds "chronic". It depends on your area.
smorgasgeorge
8/17/2011 10:47:00 PM
Chronic is a type of back pain, guys.
AtWarWithAmeliaLOL
8/17/2011 10:47:00 PM
Originally posted by: Gatsby

not everyone calls snowcapped buds "chronic". It depends on your area.


they call them snowcones in australia lol
SodaFastBreak!
8/17/2011 10:47:00 PM
People think my dad is Ozzy.. i guess thats funny
Gatsby
8/17/2011 10:47:00 PM
True statement.
Bad Decisions
8/17/2011 11:44:00 PM
My dad called me the other day to tell me he bought an Xbox360 and was wondering what games he should get... I guess its weird because all of my siblings are out of the house and its a 50 year old man buying a xbox for himself.
AtWarWithAmeliaLOL
8/18/2011 12:31:00 AM
That's awesome