Re: schnell rants 79 replies, 40173 views

Davey.
4/22/2012 7:28:00 PM
I need help finding schnell's old funny walls of text.
In this thread can you please post your favourite schnellenbach diatribes? Links to excellent threads or copypastas please.
It is for the good of pahc, as it will become a dramatic reading by user: davey.
cbrickhouse
4/22/2012 7:30:00 PM
i hope that everyone steps up to the task. this is very important
Davey.
4/22/2012 7:36:00 PM
That was the icing on the fucking cake. I was told a friend of mine (no not Sherry,so don't even get her involved we're just good friends and it rules Im happier than I've been in a while since I 78% know where I stand with her but knowing that she legit cares for me and knows I care for her that brings a smile to my face, me and her are having Christmas on the 26th,and she is in charge of making sure my b-day rules)

This was someone I hung out with before and like we made out and stuff and I thought she really liked me so I cancelled my plans and wanted to go on a date since last time we went on a date it ended up pretty,pretty, awesome. But after my surgery I called her up just for company and dinner since Sherry is with her family I didn't want to spend the holidays alone. So I called her at noon, she says she just has to clean and will hit me up when she is close. 6:30pm rolls around and now she turns her phone off. Around 12:30 am I get the Im sorry don't hate me text.

Just like everyones lives sometimes shit falls apart all at once. My dads heart failure,getting stood up for dinner and all of your friends knowing it, and then knowing that certain friends of mine and family don't like one of my tightest friends I've ever had in my life because they are scarred she is going to hurt me. Thats all passed. Knowing that Sher is my friend and that we both have each others backs means more to me than when we cuddle which I could use right now.

Im still pissed that Davey blew up my spot for a laugh, Im just sick of the daily dribble that goes nowhere. People get angry, its a human emotion. Life isn't fucking dancing cats, and look at my new Ipad. No. To quote Chuck, "The things you own end up owning you." Its not my life the only possession I care about is my bike. I live a simple life. But it is mocked to no end on this site,but nowhere else. Thats what I don't get. What is funny that I get to travel and experience awesome new friends on each trip and ride new shit in the warmth of the South West/ect (hopefully Malaga spain this summer) Like are you all mostly salty because your stuck behind a desk while even though I work three jobs I still have freedom?

Here is a hobby for you if you feel your life is empty so you feel the need to bust my balls there is this thing called heroin. You put it into a needle and inject it into a vein. Enjoy. Sorry Brian I barley remember last night 64oz reverse gravity bong DEVS a blunt and the grand total five long island iced teas made the evening foggy,But the massive hole in my mouth from surgery is numb.
Cheers to Brian,Nicole,Matt,Devito,Niki,Rina,Eddie,Tyrod,Eric Paradox who are the only people on here I talk to on here when I can and aside from Tyrod,eddie,and eric I talk to these other people in real life and they know the situation and that shit gets taken too far.
Its whatever.
brian.
4/22/2012 7:42:00 PM
Originally posted by: $teve 3000


brian.
4/22/2012 7:43:00 PM
Originally posted by: cbrickhouse

here's the whole conversation lol

Nicole Green
I dislike baseball to the point that I hope the Phillies have the worst season ever so I can watch the pain on all of their fans faces.
about an hour ago · Like ·

Richie Mancuso and 2 others like this.
Marty Shea but baseball is the only sport you can fall asleep watching for an hour and not have missed too much. what is there not to love?
about an hour ago · Like · 1 person
Nicole Green I hate it. I also got to meet Ryan Howard last year and sort of blew him off on principal. Will rub in all faces forever.
about an hour ago · Like
Marty Shea hating baseball is like hating kittens. do you hate kittens nicole?
about an hour ago · Like
Nicole Green I throw rocks at kittens all the time. I hate them so much that I smash their cute faces with hammers.
about an hour ago · Like
Jenna Thomas I would rub every part of ryan howard
about an hour ago · Like · 1 person
Nicole Green Jenna is a creep and a rapist.
about an hour ago · Like · 1 person
Stephanie Barber I triple like this!!!
about an hour ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse no one gives a fuck what you think about baseball. go phillies.
about an hour ago · Like
Nicole Green LOL brickhouse is mad. I am going to go unplug his cable lines during every game this year. Love thy neighbor.
about an hour ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse i love kittens and baseball, get fucked
about an hour ago · Like · 1 person
Nicole Green brickhouse is a catlady
about an hour ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse get stuck in a cum husk
about an hour ago · Like
Marty Shea lmao
about an hour ago · Like
Adam Schnellenbach ?3 hours of a bunch of overpaid jocks standing around waiting for someone to hit a ball....I'll pass to. At least like European Soccer has riots and is constantly active. Baseball is just an excuse to ride your home teams cock,until they lose then all of a sudden your a Red Sox fan. Baseball can fuck off. Its fun to play, shit to watch. Im with you 100% on this. I'd rather play slowpitch softball than watch a pro baseball game on TV or in real life.
10 minutes ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse nobody fucking asked you schnell
9 minutes ago · Like
Adam Schnellenbach B-O-O H-O-O fuck off.
7 minutes ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse go get another boner while wrestling. cheers.
7 minutes ago · Like
Adam Schnellenbach Haaa what? I wrestled one year when I was 14 and straight edge. Only wrestled one real match. I filmed all the varsity matches for money from the boosters. I just worked out my freshman year every day they had practice I'd never live wrestle. Then go to the skatepark. I live wrestled once and I pretty much threw the kid on top of me and told him to pin me so I could leave and go to the Toms River A.S.S Skatepark. R.I.P
5 minutes ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse no one gives a fuck, pencil boner
3 minutes ago · Like
Adam Schnellenbach Cool bro.
2 minutes ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse shite
2 seconds ago · Like

Davey.
4/22/2012 7:44:00 PM
Originally posted by: Schnell1985

FIRST THINGS FIRST,I WANT NONE OF YOUR FUCKING ATTENTION EVER,YOU BRING MY LIFE TO YOUR ATTENTION AND FLIP SHIT AROUND ON ME:

I feel dejected
A lonely future of failure
And I'm growing
Very angry...

Im just sick of a bunch of faceless fucks talking shit,and not being able to do anything about besides get all these violent thoughts in my head of how bad I'd love to just ruin these people in real life. This is not me at all,and these fucking faggot faceless,testicle less pricks who know how to bring an old dog down just did way too much damage and from what goodtimesgone said, I'll probably end up in jail for how angry I've been with not just the vile scum YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE IF I FUCKING HATE YOU. Im waiting for like some anti terror squad to kick in my door just because I hate these fucking people and their horrid excuses for bad tastes and lack of any originality when it comes to humor.
If you want to talk shit about my lifestyle,then fucking say it to my face. Don't hide behind some fucking phony name from hundreds of miles away,just come up to me and say dude, "Your a faggot,bike riding is for little kids." It will be like when Justin saw Ziggy for the first time. I ain't a small dude,if I have to stand up for myself respect I fucking will,and it will be bad. Im just worried about ruining 7 years of dental work,plus I'll never see these faceless fucks nor would they even open their mouths outside of the internet,fuck I'd probably have a beer with them. Thats why I want out of here.
Saying, "oh just don't come back on" doesn't work when your job is to sit behind a computer sometimes in the building alone for 8 hours. This blow up happened at the end of this exact shift: I ate a fuckload of mushrooms the night before I worked a 4pm-8am shift and didn't sleep very well cause I kept eating them till like 4am. So I wake up all out of it still,go to work,get home after my 16 hrs and cannot sleep. I have to be back in at 12am that day so I try to sleep. I fail,call my doctor up who hooks up Ambien. I work till 8am and it takes 3 Ambien to actually fall asleep,as soon as I woke up from that I ate more mushrooms. I've just been a hateful wreck and I wanted to be deleted just to get my head straight. And not have to hear about how much I suck to you folk.
Chris Im still chill as shit,just all this rubbish has gone a tad too far. Especially people talking shit on a dream of mine that actually came true. Its like some of you hate seeing someone get what they want or be successful with a dream.
Thats all I have to say about this. Yeah wall of text,delco,fuck you. And the getting so mad to show someone your dick because their obviously obsessed with you was just taken from something GOB says during the episode "afternoon delight" when he is giving the co-workers a speech on sexual harassment.

too many
fucking people
I don't know why
but people make me angry
inner segregation

isolated
solitude
depressed reality
saves my sanity

happiness is a state of mind
sadness
fills all minds all the time
we are not alive

I wish I'd never see
another human again
keep my hostile thoughts to myself
I'd rather be alone
ass nipples
4/22/2012 8:21:00 PM
this is an amazing thread already
cbrickhouse
4/22/2012 8:23:00 PM
post shnell schnellings, cheers
brian.
4/22/2012 8:24:00 PM
Adam Schnellenbach Cool bro.
2 minutes ago · Like
Chris Brickhouse shite
2 seconds ago · Like
cbrickhouse
4/22/2012 8:28:00 PM
bro i was straight edge when i was 14
ass nipples
4/22/2012 8:29:00 PM
Originally posted by: Westley Gisbon

yeah well Dan and Jack say otherwise. you folk have to much time on your hands,yeah guess what i find my writing in the bookstore next to time magazine,your just a pathetic tweaker who is using MY NAME and the term I DESPISE the most id rather go to jail for the rest of my life than give up my dealer. shits just not stoked,pop off

Originally posted by: Westley Gisbon

i got invited to las vegas and yeah i didnt go,because 4 of my teeth got smashed out when i tried to tailflip after drinking half a four loko,pouring vodka in and chugging it. yeah i drink the equivelant to 13 beers a day,and my klonopin i take because i cant stop shaking in public,but im not an addict like those tweakers on those suboxon yeah OD ALL DAY fuckin sick. nice life

Davey.
4/22/2012 8:29:00 PM
There were way better ones than these.
The one about the argument he had with a man dressed as a cow or something in chick-fil-a was great but I can't find it.
I think the problem is that most of the best schnell trolling threads like the one in which he posted his pencil have been deleted.
cbrickhouse
4/22/2012 8:29:00 PM
he always cried and cried to be deleted. i should have just ignored him, he'd still be here probably.
Walktheblock
4/22/2012 8:38:00 PM
Where is the story about the two girls in the blue car ruining his shit?
cbrickhouse
4/22/2012 8:39:00 PM
i hope someone saved that shit
TOOTHPAC SHAKUR
4/22/2012 8:40:00 PM
I miss you schnell and your death threat s
ass nipples
4/22/2012 8:40:00 PM
i have schnell on twitter and hes fucking annoying lol
Strange Dong
4/22/2012 8:41:00 PM
Sherry is fucking stupid and inflicted so much harm upon his mind. Fuck her...reptar.
TOOTHPAC SHAKUR
4/22/2012 8:44:00 PM
Originally posted by: ass nipples

Originally posted by: Westley Gisbon

yeah well Dan and Jack say otherwise. you folk have to much time on your hands,yeah guess what i find my writing in the bookstore next to time magazine,your just a pathetic tweaker who is using MY NAME and the term I DESPISE the most id rather go to jail for the rest of my life than give up my dealer. shits just not stoked,pop off



Originally posted by: Westley Gisbon

i got invited to las vegas and yeah i didnt go,because 4 of my teeth got smashed out when i tried to tailflip after drinking half a four loko,pouring vodka in and chugging it. yeah i drink the equivelant to 13 beers a day,and my klonopin i take because i cant stop shaking in public,but im not an addict like those tweakers on those suboxon yeah OD ALL DAY fuckin sick. nice life



Davey.
4/22/2012 8:44:00 PM
Originally posted by: Jess.

Originally posted by: Davey.

Originally posted by: Jess.

do not want cat poop cake



Tell us the story about that time you were in the post office or whatever and you went to pay for something and you put your hand in your purse and pulled out your wallet and it had poo on it. Tell that story.



WELL. Whitey was in Africa, so I was mailing him a nice care package, thus the need to go into the post office for international shipping. The night before, I had a party at my house for my sister and her friends, so my sister brought her asshole matlese dog with her. I looked like an idiot trying to figure out the international shipping anyway so the post office employee hated me, but once I finally got it all together, the guy told me the cost. I, of course, reach into my purse to get my wallet. What I didn't know is that her little jerk dog decided to go behind the couch and poop IN my purse ON my wallet. He could have pooped anywhere, literally anywhere in the house, but he deliberately navigated to my purse, stuck his little butt in there and laid a log. When I was in my car driving to work, it smelled like dog poop, but there was none on my shoes and I didn't think to check my purse (weird), so I just thought it was coming in through the air vents.

Well, it was not the air. I pulled out my wallet and there it was, one stinky, two inch turd. Stuck right to my wallet. In a panic, I opened my wallet to pay, causing the turd to fling off onto the ground. He gave me my change, I looked at the poop, the post office guy looked at the poop, and I ran out.

I'm not sure I'll ever mail something again.

Originally posted by: Davey.

I liked the part when it smelled bad

cbrickhouse
4/22/2012 8:46:00 PM
i drink 13 beers and take klonapin every day but im not an addict
ass nipples
4/22/2012 8:47:00 PM
lol
cbrickhouse
4/22/2012 8:51:00 PM
whitey
TOOTHPAC SHAKUR
4/22/2012 9:03:00 PM
Originally posted by: cbrickhouse

i drink 13 beers and take klonapin every day but im not an addict

Rofl
Jess.
4/22/2012 9:03:00 PM
lol my poo wallet story counts as a Schnell rant?
Davey.
4/22/2012 9:05:00 PM
No, not a schnell rant. I just stumbled across it and realised it might be amusing if I read it out.