I had my face painted like King Diamond when I found out I was going to be a father. It wasn't Halloween or anything, I had my face painted anyway. I was wearing a top hat too, but other than that I didn't fully commit to the transformation.

We went to like fucking Olive Garden or something in the middle of the day and on the way there I told my girlfriend I wanted her to paint my face like King Diamond and I was gonna get drunk. So we ate a bunch of bread sticks and pasta, and then went to Party City for face paint and the previously mentioned top hat.

She did a surprisingly good job. I was pretty pleased with it so I spent Sunday afternoon on the front porch of my Baltimore row home drinking beer like King Diamond in a t-shirt.

At some point my girlfriend was like "Um I'm pregnant."

Naturally, I was like "OMG WTF."

But because of my face paint she was like "this is so weird, I can't tell if you're happy or sad."

My daughter is pretty cool now. This album is pretty cool too. It's a reissue though.

That'd be like if someone said "You can have your daughter again. She'll be just like the first time, but a little better."

I'd probably go "No thanks, I liked my daughter a lot the first time around when everything was a surprise so she's got sentimental value and shit. Plus, I don't want to have to keep track of two."